Somethin’ Smells Fishy

Grab your rod, it’s time to reel in another edition of Uncle Jerry’s Points of Interest
There’s been a lot of chatter about these damn catfish recently, so I figured it was a good time for you to “get woke” about what fish are lurking in our three rivers. (Did I use the “woke” word right?)
It really has been cute watching the fans of the Nashville Predators. I remember my first beer.  (No. Really, I do. It was a Pabst Blue Ribbon in 1973. The old man took me fishin’ dahn the Mon the Saturday before Father’s Day)
I mean, these Prags (Predator + Jagoffs) have stolen everything about their fanhood. First, they stole Mike Fisher from Canada so Carrie Underwood wouldn’t have to sleep in a cold bed. Then, they stole the terrible towel from us! Next, they stole Mario’s TV! Finally, they stole the octopus-gimmick from Detroit.
How’s that Johnny Cash song go? “But I shot a catfish in Nashville just to watch it die.”
While those Tennessee hoopies aren’t allowed to even BUY a catfish from Wholey’s in The Strip without going through a TSA pat-down, we’re over here in western PA catching a variety of fish aht of the Mon, Allegheny and Ohio.
Not sure if you know this, but back in 2007, they let yinzers fish off of the Point for only 90 minutes - 90 Minutes! Get this, they brought in over 7,400 fish. They ranged from carp, to channel catfish, to popular stuff like smallmouth bass and walleye!
Now, there’s too many species for me to list, but even if you’re not an angler who shops at one of them fancy Field & Stream stores, you’ll understand them:
Carp:  Various species are mostly domesticated. Just like your old drinking buddy Matt that got married, lost weight and can rattle-off the line up for Nick Jr.
Channel Catfish: They have a very keen sense of smell. Like your personal trainer that can smell a Famous O’s hotdog on your breath three days later.
Smallmouth Bass: The exact opposite of PK Subban, who is widely considered a loudmouth ass.
Walleye: If caught in freshwater, they’re delicious. Also an expression of surprise “Walleye’ll be!”
White Crappies: They search for prey while stationary. Like that really attractive guy at the bar that just waits for women to approach him.
Redhorse: Bottom-feeder. If the river was the AFC North, the Redhorse would be the Browns.
Sauger: Often found in deep rivers and pools - not above ground pools, because nobody likes above ground pools.
Muskies: They attack their prey head-first. Aaaaand one just received a $50,000 fine from Roger Goodell.
Rock Bass: What happens when Donnie Iris mates with a smallmouth bass
Freshwater Drum: What happens when Donnie Iris’ drummer mates with a smallmouth bass
Someone suggested that a Penguins fan should throw a Primanti’s sandwich onto the ice in Nashville. The logistics of getting into the arena is mind-boggling, but really, why would we waste a perfectly good sammich?
Until next time, get your dad some Shades On Point before next Sundee, Go Pens and happy angling.

                                                         Uncle Jerry Signature

Leave a comment

Please note, comments must be approved before they are published